I wish

The next time you have a bad day I can come home and make it worse for you. Seriously! You know I've had a bad day, so you come home and treat me like shit. Thanks!

gah

I'm so tired of this crap! I wish I could come home, make my lunch, hold Lexi long enough to make her cry when I put her back down, and then go back to work to hang out with my friends. It freaking sucks being stuck here all the time. Just pretty much either holding Lexi or listening to her cry. Then, it's the same thing in the evenings. Except for in the evenings I don't even have the luxury of watching what I want on tv. It's either watch what Jacob wants to watch or watch him play stupid video games. Monday night he seriously just walked in while I was watching Hoarders and flipped it over to play a game. So frustrating!
Lexi's sleep schedule is jacked up for some reason. Where she used to get a bath, bottle, and be asleep at 8...she's now getting her bath, bottle, nap @8 and then staying awake until at least 11. It's so frustrating! Because I just want her to go to bed so I can have a couple hours to unwind and try to get myself to sleep. It takes me at least an hour to fall asleep once I get in bed, so if she doesn't go to bed until 11 then it's at least 12 before I fall asleep. But what's amazing is that she still gets up at the same time in the morning. Today I'm going to try to make sure she doesn't nap at all this afternoon and hopefully at 8 she will be ready for bed!
It's like me and Jacob will have a huge fight about stuff that I want to be different, but nothing ever actually changes. I always end up compromising and doing stuff that I said I wasn't going to do. I'm tired of being the one to compromise.

ya

Being a dad must be great! You do what you feel like doing whenever you feel like doing it...everything else is mom's job. And why do dads find it so easy to ignore a screaming baby? Then whenever mom gets up they suddenly spring into action...like, "oh the baby is crying. I'm a good dad, I'll take care of it." I'm just really annoyed right now!

I'm tired of nothing going my way. I'm tired of never getting a break. I'm tired of never having 5 seconds to myself, to do what I want to do."

no thanks

I don't need any help. I would much rather do everything myself.

so tired of it

I'm so tired of the fact that Jacob will go to the ends of the earth for his family, but I don't feel like he would do the same for me.

Case in point: Jacob's brother wrecked his truck. He had a whole week off school to figure out what to do. He didn't do anything about it...instead takes his mom's car back to school for the week. Now Jacob feels like it's his priority to make sure his mom has a way to her dr's appts, etc. How about you tell your asshole brother to bring his mom's car back and figure out a way to get himself back and forth to school. Grow the fuck up people! I'm so tired of stupid shit! I don't understand why teenagers today feel like they are entitled to something, like the world owes them something just for being them. Ya know what little jerks? The world doesn't owe you shit! Go out into the world and make something of yourself and then maybe we'll talk about feeling sorry for you when something shitty happens in your life.

losing it

I'm so close to losing my shit right now.

It really sucks to feel like a single mom all the time. If I wanted to be a single mom I would have found some random guy to get me knocked up and never would have gotten married. But alas that's not what I wanted. So, I get married and do everything the right way. But alas, I'm still a single mom. It just really sucks to be at home and do everything by yourself all day and then still have to do everything by yourself once your significant other gets home. I understand that he works all day every day, so when he gets home he wants/needs to relax. But, there are times when I'm overwhelmed and need a break also. Like when Lexi won't stop screaming, or when she pukes all over me and I need to change shirts, but as soon as I put her down she's going to scream some more. Or like earlier when she was rubbing her cold, wet, slobber-covered hands all over my face and neck and I was so irritated and grossed out, but all he could do was sit there and laugh and tell me not to push her away from me.

Anyways...I changed shirts, took a deep breath, and told myself that bedtime is an hour away, so all will be well again.

loss

What do you do when a friend loses a child? Not just any child, but a 3 week old child. I just found out that my friend and his wife lost their son today.

They don't have a phone, I don't know where they live, and I have no way of getting in touch with them. My heart is breaking right now. I'm doing everything I can to find some way of figuring out where they are. I can't offer much. But, I can be a shoulder to cry on.

I've experienced miscarriage, 3 times. That's the worst pain I've ever been through. And I know it's nothing compared to what these parents are going through.

Tonight I held Lexi a little tighter, kissed her cheek a few more times, and said an extra I love you as I tucked her into bed. These parents won't have that opportunity tonight. I don't think my life would go on without Lexi. And I don't know how these parents will get up every day and go on with their lives. Right now all I know is that they need love and support.

Please pray!! Right now it's all they have!