Don't know what to do

This is just a vent. It's probably not going to flow, or make any kind of sense...but I need to put it out there just to get it out of my head.
My BP has been out of control for a week now. I've been having crazy headaches, probably because of it. I've also been to labor and delivery twice. It's all disconcerning. All I want is for Alexia to be healthy. Everything I've read about high BP in pregnancy is not good...especially over a long period of time. All the blood vessels get constricted, causing the headaches, but even to the baby. So, the baby loses out on oxygen and nutrients. She has always been fine on the monitors when my BP has been high, so that makes me feel better. And even now she's moving pretty good (especially for morning)...she's more of a night person! But, I've also been told that the inconsistency in the BP isn't good either. And mine seems to fluctuate. It's just so wierd because I never had high BP before. Throughout the whole pregnancy it's been perfect at every visit. Then I get a week long headache and somebody says I should get it checked...come to find out it's through the roof.
I don't want to go back to labor and delivery if it's not necessary. Especially since I've been there twice. I don't want to be that freaky first time mom who goes in 200 times! But, I worry! I go to the dr. twice a week now, and I don't want her to send me to labor and delivery every time I go in!
I'm on bedrest...and I'm not so great at it! But, it's especially hard on the weekends and evenings when Jacob is home. Or this weekend we had so many people in and out of the house, cleaning, etc. I'm so thankful for all of that, but I felt like I should be up doing something! Even though every time I got up someone told me to sit down. By Saturday night my feet were swollen and my BP was high enough to warrant a page to the on-call dr. She told me it was up to me...thanks a lot! She said it may be the same as before where I stay for a couple hours and then go home, or they may admit me to hospital bedrest...because "some people just don't follow the rules on at home bedrest." Yep, that would probably be me! But, I also don't want to be on hospital bedrest for any amount of time.
My dr. had talked about inducing if we couldn't get the BP and headaches under control, even though there hasn't been protein in my urine. I will do whatever my dr. tells me to do. I trust her fully. I just know these last few weeks are so important to Alexia's health. So, I would like for her to stay in as long as she can. But at the same time, I'm ready for her to be here. I'm ready for this to be over with. I absolutely love being pregnant, and I will miss it terribly. And this may be the only time I get to experience it. But, with all the ups and downs, I just feel out of control. And that's not good! I'm a very controlling person. And I've planned and planned...which of course, just makes it more disappointing when you get thrown for a loop!
At this point I just want someone to give me a definate answer. "DO THIS." I would be more than happy to give over control this one time!

Labor and Delivery: Part 2

I had my dr's appt. today. We were there forever! My dr. seems to constantly be running behind. My BP has been high all day and I've had a headache since I got up this morning. Still no protein in my urine though. But, she sent me over to labor and delivery for monitoring since it's the weekend. Before I left she said "I'll see you on Tuesday if you don't have the baby before then." WTF! She had me kinda scared, because she was talking like they were going to induce! We went over to labor and delivery and got hooked up. Stayed about 2 hours. My BP was high the entire time I was there. They did more bloodwork and it all came back good so they sent me home. The dr. on call from my office said that if my headache got worse to come back. She also told me if I just got scared or worried I could come back in, or I could call labor and delivery directly and talk to them. Also, while I was hooked up she said I was having some contractions, but nothing regular. I guess I'll finish packing my bag! And give someone in my family a key to my house, because I was so worried about how they were going to get in to get the rest of my stuff for me!

Bedrest

Actually, modified bedrest. My dr. wants me to still get up and move around so that I don't get any blood clots in my legs. Part of me knew from the very beginning of this pregnancy that I would end up on bedrest. And hey, who could ask for more right? You get to lay in bed all day and do nothing...which is great for me, since I pretty much didn't do anything anyways. The only problem lies here:
1)When she told me I would last about 4 more weeks before I have her, I freaked out...that's 2 weeks ahead of schedule, so there are so many things I was unprepared for.
2)The possibility of having to go on hospital bedrest is more scary because then I can't even sneak around to get things ready!
3)Boredom! I didn't know it would be this bad, but this is enhanced by the fact that I'm supposed to lay on my left side as much as possible. There isn't a whole lot you can do on your left side! I can't even see the tv very good on my left side!
4)No position is comfortable for very long! Sitting, laying, lounging...whatever it is I can't find a comfortable position for it! So I end up just flopping around like a beached whale!
I also feel bad because now Jacob has to work and then come home and do everything else! My mom and sisters are coming this weekend to help also. Which is nice, but I don't want everyone to feel like I'm helpless! I did the rest of Alexia's laundry yesterday...ssshhh! The only hard thing about doing laundry is reaching to the bottom of the washing machine! And I managed, so what's the big deal! She needed to have the rest of her clothes clean in case she decides to come early! I also worked on packing our hospital bags...fun times! So, there really won't be a whole lot for people to do when they come over to help this weekend! Jacob says he's going to have the laundry done before then so they don't have to. I am very thankful though for all the support everyone is giving me. Jacob's mom calls at least once a day to check on me. My grandma has called several times to check on me. And everyone just keeps telling me to call them if I need anything! It's nice to know that there are so many people, so close in case I need anything. That's why I chose to live in this town! Jacob didn't really understand why I didn't want to just stay in Tulsa...but maybe he understands now. Because even when he's at work he's only like 2 minutes from home! Well, off to check my other sites I creep on and do some more word searches!

1st time to labor and delivery

Yep...we went to labor and delivery last night! I have been having a migraine pretty much all last week. Someone suggested that I check my blood pressure. So, Jacob's mom has a blood pressure cuff from walmart and she brought it up to us last night. The readings were around 160/104. I've heard that those cuffs aren't very accurate so we went down to the ambulance station to have them check it. And it was right on. We came home and called the dr. and she said just go to labor and delivery. We got there and they hooked me up to the monitors. Alexia was doing great the whole time...moving like crazy, she didn't appreciate all the drama! My blood pressures were still high except when I was laying on my left side. So, they came in and said we were going to stay for 23 hours. We moved to a different room, had bloodwork done, and started a 24 hour urine sample (which sucks). We were there for a while and they came in and said everything with my bloodwork was good so they were sending us home. They gave me a percocet for my headache and told me to rest. My dr. is supposed to call today to set up an appt. for tomorrow. So far my head still hurts and my BP's are still high this morning. But, I guess as long as Alexia is doing okay, I'll be okay too! There will probably be more to update on after our appt. tomorrow.