May 1

Well, I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight last night…I just had a lot running through my mind that I couldn’t let go. Bad idea, because they started coming in and out of my room about 4 am. That’s when they needed to take my BP again. But, then she started asking me questions about how much water I had drank since 7 pm. Who asks all these questions when I was clearly asleep? Then they came back in at 7 and took my BP again. I finally just got up at 7:30 and ate my breakfast. Apparently they lost my menu because I changed rooms, so I just got a generic breakfast, I’m pretty sure I had picked to have a doughnut this morning, but just got bacon and eggs. We did the monitoring again this morning, and she said I didn’t have to do it for a whole hour as long as everything looked good…so that’s nice. Alexia wasn’t moving a whole lot so she had me drink some water to perk her up. She doesn’t normally move a whole lot in the morning, but after I drank the water she did start moving a lot. They took my heplock/iv thing out because it was hurting and they don’t think I will need it immediately. Then I got to take a shower. Now I’m waiting for mom to get up here. Hopefully she sneaks me a dr. pepper before Jacob gets here to find out! My back already hurts today from this bed, but there’s not a lot to do about that! Aunt Trish came by today. She was in town for court for Lily’s adoption. Everything went good and they now have visitation rights! She brought me some fruit and magazines and almonds! Mom brought me m&m’s and dr. pepper! My BP has been kinda high today…the bottom number has been in the 90s instead of 80s. But, Alexia was good on the monitor. We’ll see what happens on the monitor tonight. Well, she looked good on the monitor tonight also. I had 1 contraction while I was on there for an hour. Hmmm…that’s not enough! Grandma Eva called and talked to me for just a little bit. Jacob didn’t make it up here until around 7, and then he left at 9. I thought he was going to stay all night with me since it’s Friday and he won’t have to work tomorrow. But, I knew as soon as he walked in with no bags that he wasn’t. It does upset me, but I’ve been upset every day since I’ve been here. I was on the monitor when he left again though, so I couldn’t get too upset. He said his mom and dad are coming up here tomorrow. His dad is bound to raise my blood pressure some! He’ll probably get kicked out for being loud! Mom is going to bring dad up here some time tomorrow also, and then Kristin and Brandon are going to come later. Right now I’m just tired of being in this bed. I wish I could at least get up and sit on the couch or in the rocking chair for a while. I’m also tired of having to unhook the leg massagers every time I have to go to the bathroom. They also told me I will have to continue to measure the quantity of my urine the whole time I’m here…I hate that also! I just want her to be here already!

May 2

35 weeks 5 days-The dr. on call came in this morning. She said pretty much we’re going to wait through the weekend and let Alexia grow a little bit and we’ll talk more next week about what’s going to happen. Mom and Dad came up today for a few hours. It was good to see Dad, I hadn’t seen him since I came up here. Jacob got up here around 11 and left around 6. I wish he would have stayed longer, or stayed the night, but oh well. Of course after he left I had my little meltdown. I just don’t feel like I can do this anymore. Physically and emotionally it’s too much. I know it’s what I have to do, I don’t have an option, but I just don’t feel like I can. This is the most depressed I’ve felt in a while. I want to just sleep all day and wake up to have it be over. But, there are so many people in and out of here. I feel like when mom or anyone else is here I need to be up and talking to them, because they came to see me. And I feel like the nurses/doctors wouldn’t look highly on my sleeping all day. Alexia was good on the monitor again tonight. I had 1 contraction while I was hooked up. Not enough to even mention! Jacob will be back tomorrow, and mom. I just want this to be over soon.

April 30

We did finally move rooms this afternoon. We are in a postpartum room. It’s about the same size as the other room, with a little more seating. I’m guessing this is where I’ll come back after Alexia finally decides to make her entrance. It was a very quiet morning down in the other room. I had no visitors, as Jacob and my mom both had to work. Sheila called and let me talk to Averie on the phone, and Grandma Eva called and talked to me. When we moved down here I could already tell that our nursing care was going to be better. I had so many nurses in and out of my room when I first got down here getting me weighed and all set up. It was so good to know that maybe someone will be checking in on us. Jacob got here and ate dinner, and we just watched tv and chatted. The same things we would do if we were at home! Right before he left they were coming in to hook me up to the monitors for the non stress test, so I couldn’t have my emotional breakdown that I’ve had the past 2 nights, because I knew it would affect the test. The test was good though, I pushed a button every time she moved so they could compare her heartrate to her movement. I talked to dad again tonight, and wasn’t as emotional. And talked to mom on the phone later. She’s going to be back up here tomorrow to take care of me and cut my hair! We’re all keeping our fingers crossed for a weekend baby! We’re all just so ready for her to be here!

April 29

Jacob came back this morning. Mom came a little bit later after she had some stuff to do at work. They both brought me magazines and I’ve been working on my wordsearch book. I’m halfway through though, so he’s going to have to bring me another one! It was a pretty boring day. I took a shower and fixed my hair and makeup though and that made me feel a little better about myself. The nurses were better today, but still no sign of when we’ll be changing rooms. We’re also back to measuring my urine because apparently I’m not producing enough urine. Here’s the deal. I’m connected to these leg massagers 24/7 so I don’t get blood clots in my legs from not moving around. So, everytime I need to go to the restroom, I have to unhook from them. It sucks! Especially during the night. And I feel like I have a constant urge to pee, like I’m going to explode if I don’t go, and then I get in there and it’s a few drops. So, granted, I haven’t been drinking a whole lot because I don’t want to get up to pee, I still think I’m doing okay, if you measure all the urine from 1 hour at the same time, instead of measuring it every time I go…every 10 minutes! Jacob left again tonight, to go home and do some laundry and get ready for work, he’s going back tomorrow. I cried uncontrollably after he left. And just overall felt good and sorry for myself. Then dad called to see how I was doing and that sent me over the edge again. I think I did okay on the phone with him. I’m sure he knew I was crying, but I don’t think it was out of control. It was just really sweet to hear from him. He was the kind of dad that you knew loved you, even if he didn’t say it a whole lot. So, for him to call me and put his emotions out there was overwhelming for me! I know the longer we are here, the better Alexia will do, but I’m so ready for her to be here and for us to be able to go home!

hospital bedrest

Sitting here sucks! They finally admitted me last night, after being here for more than 30 hours not knowing what was going to happen. When my dr. finally came in and said I would be staying, all I could do was cry. I know this is what is best for Alexia, but it's not how it's supposed to be. I'm suppsed to be at home finishing her room and waiting for her. Instead I'm sitting in a bed getting poked daily, collecting my urine, hooked up to too many monitors, surrounded by people who worry. I'm 35 weeks 2 days, today. My dr. would like to wait until 37 weeks to deliver, but she doesn't seem to think I'll make it that far. My protein in my urine is creeping up, and my blood pressures are all over the place. I finally got to take a shower today, and I felt much better after that. I'm trying to make myself look decent for the people who show up to visit. My headache comes and goes...sometimes Tylenol helps, sometimes it doesn't. I did actually sleep pretty well last night...a combination of exhaustion, crying too much, and ambien. My back hurts from sitting in this bed. I can't find a comfortable position that lasts very long...and I try to be sitting up when people are here, but that's especially uncomfortable! I don't mean to complain, this just isn't how I wanted it to be. But, I keep telling myself that the next time I go home I will have Alexia with me! That makes me happy!