Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I wish Alexia was here in my arms right now instead of in my belly! I love her being in there and I know I'm going to miss her little movements once she's actually here in my arms, but the anxiety is killing me! I want to know what she's going to look like. From the ultrasounds we are convinced that she's going to look more like Jacob than me. She appears to have cute chubby cheeks, and from her profile the way her little top lip sticks out looks exactly like Jacob's. He's upset...he doesn't want her to look like him...but she's going to be gorgeous! Like Sheila told me the other day. Rosemay(that's what she calls Alexia, because that's her middle name) is going to be beautiful, and Jacob is beautiful...I had e-mailed her an ultrasound picture and a picture of Jacob getting the mail in the snow!
I wish the house renovations were finished. Last week's weather didn't really cooperate, so we're hoping that this week we will get some more stuff done and maybe be able to start moving rooms!
I wish I knew what I wanted to do in Alexia's room. I don't know if I want to paint a bunch of stuff on the walls that we will want to change in a year or so when she's not a baby anymore! But, I definately want her to have a cute room!
I wish my kitchen wasn't so filthy all the time! Even if it's not filthy it looks filthy because it's so unorganized! I don't have room for all the stuff I have...but I've already gotten rid of all the stuff I don't use.
I wish I knew what I'm going to do about a job once Alexia is here. I pretty much have to find a job immediately after I have her because my unemployment runs out! I have no idea what I want to do. I don't think I want to go back to being a dental assistant. But, that's the only real experience I've had for the past 4 years. I've learned I'm not so great at the "customer service" thing, so I want to avoid that. But, I still think I could manage a receptionist or clerical position somewhere. I also considered going back to school for phlebotomy, but don't want to take all the medical asst. classes. Also looked into medical billing and coding, because you can train and work from home! That's a major plus for me. I could try to get an assistant's position at the school, and put Lexi in the daycare there, and get their health insurance. Who knows...but it's coming fast and I need to figure it out!
I wish that I wasn't so annoyed all the time! I feel like a lot of my anger/irritation gets taken out on Jacob, because he's the only person I ever see! But I keep telling myself that part of it is pregnancy hormones (hopefully!) I was off my prozac for about 2 weeks because there was a mixup with pharmacies and I couldn't find it! So, that was rough just having to quit cold turkey. And then starting back at 40mg immediately is giving me the worst migraines I've had in a while...so that makes me more irritable! I don't sleep for crap anymore! I have to get up and pee every 2 hours, even when I've had nothing to drink! And I'm still having back/hip issues! But, I hope Jacob knows that when I tell him he's annoying, it's a temporary thing! When I tell him he's irritating me, it's a temporary thing! But it's weird to be here all day by myself and then have someone else in the evenings...it's just weird.
And finally...I wish for Starbucks Venti Mocha Frappuccino every single day for the rest of my life! At least 1...but I would love to have one anytime I felt like it!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
*Why do the people who deserve something the most, have to wait the longest for it? I know women who would be great mothers, with stable lives and husbands, who struggle to get pregnant. Why can't they just have a baby?*
*Why does it seem like someone is always waiting for their Mr./Mrs. Right? Chances are you're going to meet this person through someone you know, or from somewhere you go, shop, work, etc. Why does it have to be so hard? I feel guilty because Jacob was practically dropped in my lap. And from day 1 it just worked. We had our ups and downs, but it was love! So, we knew we would get married. I feel guilty because there are people out there who have been searching their whole lives for this person...this person that is meant to be their other half. Why do we have to wait so long? Why do we have to date all the wrong guys/girls in order to find the right one? I know everything happens when God is ready for it to happen. Trust me I understand that concept, but when you're on the receiving end of that statement, you want to stab the person saying it to you. It doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make the pain any less. It doesn't make the waiting go by faster. It doesn't tell you what you're doing "wrong." I wish I had answers to these questions. I wish I could find people for the lonely people in my life. Because I want them to be able to share the same joys and happiness that I share with my husband.
*I've always felt guilty to have something that someone else didn't have. * One time in elementary school Lisa and I saved up 100 pennies each to buy a sucker at lunch time. Lisa was part way through with hers and she dropped her sucker in the dirt. There was no way for us to clean it off. So, the only options for me were to give her my sucker, and if she wouldn't take mine, I would throw it away too. I don't remember what decision was made. But, that's how my life has been. I remember accidentally pushing Adam off Grandma Eva's porch out on the ranch and he got hurt and cried. Well, there I was crying with him because he had gotten hurt. Even with everything I've been through with PCOS and miscarriages, the whole time I was going through that (more than 2 years) of not know whether or not I would have kids or not. The only thing I prayed for was of course for God to bless me with a baby that would stay in my womb for 9 months, and for no one else in my family to have this! PCOS can be genetic, and I don't want my sisters to have to go through this. It is so much easier for me to go through it on my own than to have to stand by and watch someone else go through it. It's too hard for me to do that. I would rather just take all the pain on myself. So, please God don't let my sister's have this horrible disease! I know all parents want their children to grow up and do better for themselves than what the parents were able to do for themselves. That's why they push us to go to college and get degrees and make something of our lives. But, then that happens and I feel bad for it. We have health insurance and dental insurance...something that my parents never had. They had dental insurance for us kids, but they never used it on themselves. And I feel guilty. I feel guilty that if my TV goes out tomorrow, I will find a way to buy a new one. I feel guilty that if I get sick I will go to the dr. I feel guilty that if something happens and I don't know what to do, I will go to the ER and it will be taken care of. Our parents raise us to be better than they were, but why does it feel so crappy to actually make that goal?
*I became overwhelmed at church today. I've been thinking a lot about how hard it's going to be once Alexia gets here. Now, I don't worry about money, finances, that's Jacob job. I worry about how am I going to be a good enough mom to her. How am I going to give her enough love? Then standing in church today I realized that I'm responsible for bringing her to know Christ. How will I ever tell this little girl about how God blessed our lives with her? Will she ever understand that we prayed and prayed for her and God finally found the perfect little angel to come live with us? I find relief in knowing that she will know God from the very beginning of her life. *
Friday, March 20, 2009
This would mean partial birth abortions would be legalized, religious hospitals would have to shut down if they refuse to do abortions, christian doctors could be sued for refusing abortions, our tax dollars would go towards abortion, and much more.
Red Envelope Day is on March 31st, 2009. People around the country will be sending red envelopes to the White House. It is asked that you write on the back of the envelope this:
"This envelope represents one child who died because of an abortion. It is empty because the life that was taken is now unable to be a part of our world. Responsibility begins with conception."
President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, D.C. 20500
Salem loved the carpenter being here. Having the front door open gave him free reign to come and go as he pleased...which usually included sleeping in the middle of the carpenter's tools!
Jacob went to the dr. today because he's been coughing and such for pretty much the whole week. It's bronchitis. I'm praying that I don't get it! It has to be a good sign that I'm not sick yet, right?!? I did go and put my toothbrush and flosser in a ziploc bag and got myself a seperate tube of toothpaste. I guess later I will Clorox light switches and doorknobs and such.
Speaking of feeling sick...I'm starting to feel the effects of not taking prozac for a week. This wasn't by choice either. I'm starting to feel the urge to lay in bed all day and do nothing but sleep. Thankfully I haven't had a major blowup with Jacob, but I know that time is coming if I don't get the medicine soon! I contacted Walmart 2 weeks ago to request a refill. They contacted my dr's office, and then I never heard anything else. I called walmart like 3 times and they said they had no response from my dr. So, I'm here thinking that he's not going to refill it for some reason. So, I called the dr's office this week. She proceeds to tell me that the refill has been approved on the 9th! So I ask where...Drug Warehouse. That's where I used to get my prescriptions filled when I worked. But, that's all the way in Broken Arrow, and I don't work now so it makes no sense for me to drive all the way over there to get prescriptions filled. Walmart requested the refill, so why the hell would they fax the refill to Drug Warehouse? Whatever, now I'm going to have to drive to Broken Arrow to pick up my prescription. I would do it today, but Jacob drove my car and I don't feel like driving his. Lisa and Kristin are watching the boys today. They asked me if I wanted to come hang out with them and watch OSU play basketball...but I don't know if I should With Jacob being sick I don't know if I'm "carrying" his germs around and could possibly spread the bronchitis to someone else. And then my dad's been sick for a while now and probably has something contagious...so I don't want his germs either! Either way I'm pretty sure I'll just hang out here today. I haven't gotten to nap the past 2 days with the carpenter here so a nap is in order!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I know that's a huge picture, I apologize, but I couldn't find a different one! I just got it last night, so I don't have it completely figured out yet. But, so far, I love it! I didn't get the internet package...because I don't really need it. I just wanted a phone that would be easier to text on!
Alexia got some new outfits this weekend! I bought 1 at Kohl's. I also got her a orange and white striped onesie from Old Navy with some White pants to go with it. I need to find her some tennis shoes to wear with it! So far all the shoes she has are pink so that won't work! And I also got her a sleeper at Old Navy. But, Aunt Lisa and Aunt Kristin hooked her up again with some super cute stuff! I also found her some ballet slipper socks at Motherhood. I can't wait to show her Granny Sheila. She used to dance ballet, she's going to be so excited!
We got the boys some outfits for their birthday from the Carter's store. They are so cute...and Jacob picked them out!
We got Alexia a new book also. It's by Max Lucado. I have so many of his books and I love him. So, I was super excited to see a children's book by him! It's called Just in case you ever wonder. Jacob read it to her last night. It's really not a baby book, but more for older kids, but it's still cute!
I started moving stuff out of the "front room" today so that when the carpenter calls everything will be ready for him. He's going to split the room into 2. 1 room with be Alexia's and 1 will be ours. We are walling over the existing front door. Our current bedroom will be turned into an entry way, and the window will become a door. I'm super excited for it to be done! I think it will help me to like the house better! And of course it's one step closer to having Lexi here!
Mom and I are going to pick our material next Friday so she can make Aubrie, Averie, and Gracie some dresses for their birthdays. We had picked some out at Carter's, but then realized that mom could do it for way cheaper...and her's will probably end up way cuter!
I still haven't gotten the pictures off my camera from vacation...I need to do that! But, anyways...I'm off to eat some pizza! I took my Zantac so hopefully the heartburn/reflux won't be too terrible! I can't help it though...I love pizza!
If you haven't been there, you should totally go. Or if you haven't been there in a while, you should go back because they've changed the show. They also have a Christmas show that Jacob and I saw on our honeymoon and it's really amazing. Both shows could literally bring tears to your eyes (and that's not just me being pregnant and emotional)...Jacob said he almost cried this time! The first evening while we were waiting for Kristin and Brandon to get there (they had a wedding to attend), we went to Ripley's Believe it or Not. www.ripleysbranson.com
It's really cool, and I think Zach even enjoyed it! They had some neat stuff in their gift shop that I would have loved to buy (a HUGE coffee mug!) Jacob and I had been there on our honeymoon also, and we loved it! I definately wanted to go back because we didn't have our digital camera on our honeymoon so I didn't get very many good pictures! That night we ate at a neat steakhouse. www.btbones.com I feel kinda bad because Jacob and I recommended it and then it turned out to be not so great. We ate there when we went in October and the food was really great! They have live music so that's pretty neat too! But, I don't know if it's just because they were busy that night, but no one's food was really right. I especially feel sorry for Brandon, because I think he ate like 2 bites of his food! Sunday we got up and ate our free breakfast at the hotel. Amazing! Especially since it was free! I think that's one thing everyone enjoyed! We went outlet shopping! That was definately my favorite part...even though it was hard for me to walk that much! I got a pair of Nike's at the Nike outlet for $19.99...thankfully I can wear a kids size! That's the second trip in a row that I've gotten cheap Nike's. (Also Zoe and I can wear the same size now...and she always has great shoes that have been promised to me when she grows out of them!) Jacob got a pair of DC shoes that are really cute, and different for him! Zach got a couple pair of shoes. Lisa wins though...she got 3 pairs! We all ended up with a bunch of stuff and realized that all of it was not going to fit in our car on the way home! Thank goodness Brandon had room in his truck! We did Dixie Stampede Sunday evening and then we went and played Mini Golf! I pretty much suck...but hey! I could barely bend over to put my ball down and then pick it up out of the hole once I finally got it in there! But, we were all spending time together and that's what matters! We went and ate ice cream after that! Apparently my phone fell out of the camera case when we were walking in, and I didn't realize it. I didn't know until after we got back to the hotel and I was going to update my twitter. We called the mini golf and ice cream places and no one had turned it in. I'm thinking that no one would want to keep it...it is a Razr, and 2 years old! So Kristin started calling it...never got an answer, but then her phone rang! Someone had found it in the parking lot and called her because she had been calling it! So, Jacob and I drove down to the ice cream place and got it! I was so thankful to have it back...even though my contract was up and I knew I was getting a new phone, but I didn't want to lose my number and all my contacts in the phone! So being so hormonal I get back to the hotel, get in the shower and have myself a good cry! I felt so awful! Kristin and Brandon had spent like 45 minutes searching through my car in the dark and making all these phone calls trying to find it! And then Jacob had to drive me back down there to get it. And then, I was once again amazed that there are nice people left in the world! Monday we got up and ate our free breakfast again! The coffee wasn't as good the second day, but hey I shouldn't drink it anyways! Then we went to ride go-karts. There are a lot of great go-kart tracks in Branson and Kristin had showed them to Zach a while back on the internet, so he was excited to get to try them out! www.bransontracks.com I of course couldn't ride the go-karts, but I got to watch everyone else and take lots of pictures! Brandon said that Alexia needed to be trained right to go "Nascar Fast," but the sign said no! They also played Lazer tag...I got to sit in a little room and watch them...it was hilarious! Poor Zach held his gun backwards for like the whole game though and shot himself more than anyone else! We went and ate lunch at Taco Bell and then headed home! Coming home is definately the worst part of vacation! We still haven't gotten everything unpacked...but oh well! I can't wait until we can go on our first vacation with Alexia! There are so many places that I want to show her. And there are so many great stories to share along the way. I want to take her to the places Jacob and I have been...and to the places where me and my family went while I was growing up! I'm about to start the most amazing journey...and I couldn't be more excited!
Thanks for reading! Check out those links!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
#1 Glen, Jenn, and Zoe are going to California for a week...they are leaving tomorrow. Since they walk next door I go over there almost every other day. I've mentioned it before...I'm sure it gets on their nerves, but once Alexia gets here I feel like I'll be trapped here. I love Zoe and the boys so much! Just to see them for 30 minutes or so makes me happy! So, we walked over there today to tell Zoe bye. I bought her a Disney Princess word search book (because she told me the word searches I got her for Christmas were too hard) so she could have it for the car ride. We stayed over there and played with the boys for a while. When we got ready to walk home I gave her a hug and told her to have fun. I almost cried! I'm seriously crying now just thinking about it. I'm going to miss her! I don't know if it's just that or that I'm jealous I can't experience her trip to Disneyland with her.
#2 Zander and Zavier are staying here while they are gone on vacation. Nanny Vicky is keeping them during the week and then they are going to stay with my parents on the weekends. That means I won't be able to go see them very much during the week either. I just love those boys! The day I found out Jenn was pregnant was the day after I found out I miscarried. It was hard...I remember crying to my mom that night...because it just wasn't fair. Then the day they were born, when I came home from the hospital I called my mom crying again. Not for what might have been, but just because I already loved them so much. How is there going to be enough love in my heart for Alexia? I know there will be...but I can't imagine loving anyone any more than I love those kids!
#3 I feel like I'm constantly in pain. My back hurts, I have a toothache, acid reflux/heartburn daily...and my bladder is a trampoline. I hate complaining about it. I'm not complaining about the pregnancy...just about the pain!
#4 Me and Jacob had a stupid argument last night..but even that made me cry. But, I'm stubborn enough that he couldn't know that I cried! I had to cry alone and quietly just so he wouldn't have the "pleasure" of knowing he had gotten to me. No one breaks me...especially not him! It's all better now...but I feel so bad!
#5 My stupid PCP hasn't okayed the refill for my prozac. Hello...I need it! I requested the refill on Saturday...so the pharmacy called him Monday. I checked on it today and they still didn't have a response from him. WTF?!? Why should it take that long? I don't want to be a crazy person over vacation, so I haven't taken it the past couple of days to hopefully give me enough pills to stretch over the weekend.
#6 On CSI: New York tonight there was a car bomb. I knew it would happen, but they mentioned the OKC bombing...for some reason tonight that really tore me up!
Well, a combination of the tylenol pm and the crying during this blog has made me relatively sleepy. Hopefully I can get a good night's sleep for my root canal tomorrow!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Congratulations you have finished your second trimester!
Tuesday March 3:
Baby's crown to rump length is 25 cm or 9.8 inches. Baby weighs about 1000-1100 grams or 2.2-2.4 pounds.
This is the last week of Month 7!!!
The dr. still hasn't called me back to let me know if I passed the 3 hr glucose tolerance test. Hmm...the waiting makes me wonder. But, I HAD to pass this time!
Lexi, as she is fondly called by Aunt Kristin, moves a TON now. But, the funny thing is. I can feel her moving and then reach my hand to my belly to feel her that way, and she will stop. Same thing, she'll be moving and I'll put someone else's hand on my belly, and she will stop. She can tell when there's extra pressure there, and she doesn't appreciate it. She moves the most after I eat...surprise, surprise! And when I'm laying down to rest in the evenings. It's so weird because I know if I could catch her moving like that I could actually SEE my belly move, but I guess she can sense that I'm "looking" at her too, because she stops! She does love to hear her bedtime stories! I read 3 books tonight and I just wanted to keep reading forever to her! Aunt Lisa brought her 3 more books this week. So, we're starting to get quite a collection, but I probably have between 100-200 books on my list that I want to get. She's going to need a bigger shelf to put her books on, than what we're using right now, because it's already almost full!