I can't believe my baby girl is 6 months old! It's unreal that time has gone by so fast. It seems like yesterday I was getting up a million times a night to feed her and hold her and rock her. Now she sleeps in her room all night like a big girl! I'm not going to complain about that. But, I do miss rocking her to sleep. I miss how she used to grin in her sleep...before she ever really grinned "on purpose." I miss her little preemie and newborn clothes. I miss having to roll up 4 receiving blankets to stuff around her in the carseat because she was so tiny. But, what I really really miss is having her inside of me. Knowing that she was safe. Knowing that nothing was going to hurt her. Feeling her kick and move around. Feeling her hiccup! Going to see her on the ultrasounds and hear her heartbeat. Those things I miss because I know that I may never get to experience them again. I will always be able to see, hold, and love babies. My sisters will have babies. My cousins will have babies. But, Lexi may be my only baby. It terrifies me to think about that. I so want to experience it again. Experience making new life. But, with all I went through to get her...I don't know if I could do it all again, having her. I don't know if I could go through miscarriage after miscarriage, cycle after cycle, failure after failure and still be able to get out of bed every day and be a good mom.
Lexi-girl, I love you. With every part of my being. I live my life for you. For smiles and laughs, for frowns and cries. I simply love you! 6 months ago you stole my heart. I can't imagine how my life would be without you. You are my everything!