Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Ugh...

Posted by danielle at 7:57 PM
I feel like my depression is kicking my ass this week. I don't know why. I've been taking my medicine regularly, and nothing in my life has really changed. But, I just feel like crap! I feel like not getting out of bed at all. I feel embarassed to talk to Jacob or my family about it. I don't want them to worry about me, and Jacob tends to get upset when I feel like this. But, I just don't know what to do differently. I feel like I don't have control of any aspect of my life. I don't have control over the house renovations. I don't have control over our money situation. I don't have control over whether Lexi is healthy or not. It kills me! And I know so many people would just say, "just don't worry about it." But, that doesn't work for me. That's all I do is worry, and when I think I have one thing figured out then I'll move onto something else. I know it's straining my marriage. But, the fact that I know all these things only makes it worse. Because I know I should feel differently and the fact that I don't makes me feel even worse about it. I just feel lost and alone!

2 comments on "Ugh..."

Kristin said...

It's ironic that this is the topic of discussion for your post today, and I just got home from the To Write Love On Her Arms presentation. I know that I will never fully understand the situation that you are in because that is your situation alone. But realize that there are plenty of people out there that are going through similar situations. Also know that although we may not always have the best things, if anything, to say to try to make you feel better...there are so many people who love you and are here for you....even if you just want to not talk and just sit. I love you so much and you are such a hero in my eyes. You're only 25 and you've overcame so much in your life already. I know that you do not have control over everything that goes on in your life, but I know someone who knows everything that is going to happen before it even happens. We both know who I'm talking about and although it may seem hard at times, just spending a few minutes of your day talking to him can really bring peace to certain situations. God never gives you anything you can't handle. He knows you are a very strong woman and you can handle anything that life throws at you, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I love you.

Mimi on April 2, 2009 at 11:01 AM said...

Become anorexic/bulimic you can always control your food intake lol! Ok so that was a vulgar joke but sometimes that's how I feel too. I'm like, I totally understand anorexics that do it more because of control issues than anything. Sometimes life is just a ride that we have to go along with and make the best of. It stinks and I'm sorry you are experiencing so many problems right now. I know there's not much for me to tell you that you don't already know, but I do understand much of what you are going through since I had PPD with my kids and I grew up in a family where it seemed like every one was manic depressive. So I just wanted to help affirm you a little bit by saying I believe you and I know it's not something you can just snap out of. It's real and it takes a lot to get controlled. What you are feeling is real to you even if others don't see it. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

 

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