Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I just want to say:

Posted by danielle at 10:01 PM
I love my daughter.
I love my husband.
I don't feel like I have post partum depression. And even if I did, I'm taking an anti-depressant, so that's all I can do, right?
I'll admit that I count down the days in the week until the weekend, because I know Jacob will be here for 2 full days to help me.
I'll admit that I count down the hours that Lexi should sleep, so that I can rest also, and think about all the things I have to accomplish in that time.
I'll admit that I count down the hours from when Jacob leaves at 1:00 to go back to work from lunch, until 5:00 when he gets off work.
I love it when people come to see Lexi, but I hate feeling like I have to try to entertain another person.
I hate when other people don't do things the same way I do.
I hate the phrase "we're just worried about you."
I wish someone would tell me when Lexi will sleep through the night...because I would be counting down the days to that as well!
I love her, but I'm stressed and overwhelmed. But, a hundred people asking me if I'm okay only makes me feel more stressed. Everyone telling me they're "worried" about me makes me more stressed.
Jacob told me today that he gets the impression that I feel like Lexi is a burden to me. That's not how I feel at all. I just feel like after all night and all day, I need a break from her. She is my job. Most people work 8 hours and then they get to go home to their families and have a break from their work. When you're a mom that's not the case. There's nowhere to go to take a having Jacob take care of her for a few hours is my only break. Some days it's my only chance at keeping my sanity. And I'll admit yesterday was one of those days. So, if you read my blog and thought that I feel like my daughter is burdening me...just know I was stressed, overwhelmed, had no sleep, and had been in an argument with my husband, all while my daughter is refusing to sleep. Which, speaking of, that's exactly what she's doing now!

1 comments on "I just want to say:"

Melissa on June 18, 2009 at 6:17 PM said...

You are doing great. I honestly think after that one person taking a comment the wrong way you are super sensitive. Most new moms get the are you okay a lot! Take advantage of company coming to see LExi, tell them I am so tired I feel bad that I am not better company, if they are real friends see if they will hold her so you can get a shower, if someone asks can they help, see if they will make a few meals that can be frozen ahead of time, so you can concentrate on what needs to get done. Most babies sleep about five hours a night between 2-4 months. THis isnt great, but it should improve. You are doing great for all the health issues facing your baby...head up this too shall pass!


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