Monday, July 20, 2009

Fat Girl

Posted by danielle at 9:17 PM
That's me! I weighed myself tonight. I'm at my heaviest weight ever. I wasn't even this big when I was pregnant. I could literally cry right now. I remember telling myself that I would never get above 150. Then after I hit that I remember telling myself I would never hit 200. Well apparently tonight I hit that, plus some. I'm so disappointed in myself. After I had Lexi I dropped the weight really fast. I was in my pre-pregnancy jeans before she even came home from the NICU. Everyone went on and on about how good I looked. I guess I was foolish for getting used to hearing those comments. Now I'm bigger than ever and feel like complete shit. I tell myself that I'll start walking on the treadmill, but then by the time Jacob gets home from work I'm exhausted from taking care of Lexi all day, and I just don't feel like doing it. I've got to do something though, because this just isn't ok. None of my jeans really fit anymore, and I don't have the money to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe because I'm a fatty. I lack motivation and dedication to diet. Lisa has had great luck with Weight Watchers, but it's because she's dedicated to it. I don't have the willpower to only eat so many "points" per day. I love food too much. That has always been my issue. I'm tired of being the fat girl!

3 comments on "Fat Girl"

Lisa on July 22, 2009 at 7:45 AM said...

Maybe you could ask Grandma or Sheila to come over for 30 minutes or an hour in the morning so you could walk on the treadmill before you get so tired from the rest of the day. Even if you just did it like 3 days a week.

And as far as the food thing,I really don't know. I just finally came to a point where I got in the state of mind where it was more worth it to me to give up some of the foods so that I could lose the weight. It was hard at first, and it's still hard sometimes, but it gets easier.

Just know we're all here for you. I know it's a battle within yourself. That's how it's always been for me. I always knew that my family didn't care whether I was fat or thin, but it was something I needed to do for myself.

Tammy on July 28, 2009 at 9:50 AM said...

Hi! I don't know you, but I found your blog linked from someone else's blog and it looked fun. I've enjoyed reading your posts! You are a really good writer! And I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have 3 young kids and it is EXTREMELY frustrating to give up work, friends, a life, showers, and a cute little figure for these little things that cry and cry and cry and cry and cry.
My advice (perhaps unwanted...from a stranger) would be to not worry about your weight right now. You are under so much stress with a newborn and your hormones are still messed up. Don't worry. Take care of surviving first. This is a chapter in your life that will pass. You can be skinny again, but now your energy is needed somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

I'm dealing the exactly the same thing Danielle. I never gained with the pregnancy, actually lost weight, but once the colic hit I turned to food. Part of it was that I was tired so my body was saying it needed some type of "fuel" and the only fuel was food since it wasn't getting the sleep it needed. At my heaviest I weighed 204 on a 5 foot tall body that can look like 300 on someone of a normal height!

I guess age is catching up with me and I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that I did this to myself and nobody is to blame except me. So, instead of dieting, I've decided to just make small changes that are healthier. I used to drink NOTHING but pop. I might have a glass of water once a month! LOL So, I knew that was my biggest problem. So, I figured that I would let that be the first thing I conquered. So, I just started weaning myself down on how many pops per day. I got down to 2 pops per day and it was then that I realized that I really didn't need it. The next day I had one pop and for the last three days I've had none. It was hard for the first week or so, but I really have to say that since I quit drinking pop I have so much more energy. And this is only a few days in, I hope to gain even more energy in the weeks to come!

Come on. Just make one commitment to break ONE bad food habit that you have. Just one. Don't overdo it because there will be time to break those other habits later. Even if your only commitment is to drink 3 or 4 glasses of water per day. Those first days I had to CHUG water, then I'd open a pop, but I'd be sure to chug one glass of water between each and every pop. That was my only commitment...and it made it so much easier. Because I was drinking the water, I didn't drink as many pops in a day. It was a start, and sometimes just starting SOMETHING is a very big thing indeed.

So, what's the one bad habit that you want to break yourself of?



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