Saturday, August 8, 2009

Tired

Posted by danielle at 10:44 AM
I'm tired of having conversation/arguments that end up being pointless. Why say you're going to do something if you're not. It sucks! If I wanted to be a single parent I never would have gotten married. I love Lexi with all my heart, but sometimes I need/want a break. The only break I get is when I'm cooking dinner. I feed her, change her, bathe her, put her to bed at night, and get up with her in the morning. I love that I'm here with her all day. But, it sucks to have to do everything by myself. And even if I'm not going to do it I might as well be doing it because I have to give step by step instructions. We've had her for 3 months. You would think it would be second nature to do what needs done. I guess it is for me, but not him. She woke up at 7 this morning after not going to bed until after 11. I got up with her. He didn't get up until 10:40. And then asks me what I want to do since he slept in so late. Obviously it doesn't matter what I want to do. I want to buy stuff to make crafts for craft shows this fall, to make some extra money. I was able to go to Michael's last night, but not buy anything. We go to Kohl's and I spent my whole time trying to find a bra....I got 1 that I put on this morning and immediately took back off. I'm going to have to return it. I got Lexi 2 outfits and 2 pairs of jeans. Did I get myself anything, no. It freaking sucks. I just want 1 time that something revolves around me. I know that's selfish, but come on. I spend every single day doing what other people want to do. My life revolves around Lexi's needs 24/7. And then I can't even do what I want to on the weekend because Jacob works all week and he needs a weekend too. It sucks, and I'm tired of it. I guess I won't get any respect around here until I get a job. And then my life is just going to get harder...because I'll be working and still having to do everything for Lexi while I'm home. Then I feel like I'm rushed all the time. We go to the grocery store and I always end up leaving without something because I'm so rushed. Because he doesn't feel like it's necessary to go down every aisle. Seriously, if I don't go down every aisle then I will forget something. And every time we go to the grocery store I have to wear Lexi in the backpack carrier thing because she won't just sit in the carseat like a normal child. It's a million degrees here in Oklahoma and stores don't get the idea that they're going to have to crank the a/c to compensate for all the people and the doors opening and closing all day long. So, it's always hot in every store. I'm just so freaking tired of so many things. But, arguments are pointless. I get told that things will change and I will get more help, and then that never happens and it's back to the same argument. I just don't know what to do.

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