Sunday, February 22, 2009

Am I going to be able to do this?

Posted by danielle at 11:18 PM
All my life I wanted to be a mom! Over and Over and Over! We've been through it. We have 3 angels in heaven waiting for us one day. We love them and miss them and think about them every single day. But, In June I will bring Alexia home. My miracle princess. She's everything I've ever wanted in a baby, and I haven't even been able to see her yet! I'm so scared that all the big dreams that I have for her won't come true. What if I can't prevent her from making the same mistakes that I made? I want to raise her to be a Christian, what if she pushes those boundaries? I want to show her the relationships that I had with my cousins: Adam, James, Zach, Lisa, Kristin, Brandon, Me, Jacob. And all the fun times that we have had together...even through adding extra people into the just brings more fun. But, there's a whole other group that's forming now. Zoe, Averie, Aubrie, Gracie, Haley, Alexia, Lauren, Hope...I want them to have their own group. Where they can feel safe and go through the same things that we went through. Where they can build each other up when one falls down.
I've just worked so hard to get to this point and I don't want to waste it because I don't know how to be a great mother. I know I'll be able to give her everything she needs. I'm just not sure if I can lead her down the path that God has chosen for her to walk. I want her to meet and respect all the Aunts and Uncles that I lived with. That I grew to love and respect! I know she will automatically fit into the family. And there's not doubt she's going to be loved. I just want my fears to be relieved, that I will be able to do the right things for her. Because I've never been a mom. I've been around babies a lot. But, they weren't MY babies. How am I going to know what MY baby needs when she cries? How am I not going to call my mom crying every single day? Begging her to come live with me? I have a lot of things I'll need to get straightened out in the next few weeks.

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