Thursday, February 26, 2009

overwhelmed

Posted by danielle at 7:46 PM
It's like life changes every single day. Once I think I have things figured out, something else gets thrown in the path. As of Monday we were going to start looking for houses to buy. As of today Jacob wants to go back to teaching. I desperately need a job. But, I feel like that's the most impossible thing to do right now. I'm very obviously pregnant...and I feel like as soon as I walk into an interview the person is automatically going to say no. Therefore it feels pointless to look for and apply for jobs. This makes me feel like a failure as a wife, because I'm not doing anything to help support my family. Jacob wants to go back and teach...it's what he went to school to do. It's where his heart is. But, if I can't find another job, he won't be able to do that, because the difference in pay is just too much...especially once Alexia gets here. I feel like there's nothing I can say to make his decision easier...I just feel bad. I don't think he would have a second thought at all if I still had a job. He has said over and over again that he loves having me home...he doesn't have to worry about me driving an hour to work and back...and I do the dishes, cooking, and laundry now! But, I know that our lives would be easier if we had another paycheck. Things are okay right now with me drawing unemployment, but that's going to run out one day...and it just so happens to be right at the time when Alexia is due! I also know it's going to be way harder for me to go back to work once she gets here! By then I will have been off for like 6 months, and I will have a newborn. And not just any newborn...the miracle that I waited so long for and tried so hard for. And then I'm supposed to leave her 8+ hrs a day? I just feel overwhelmed right now. And I feel like there's nothing I can do to relieve any of the pressure!

1 comments on "overwhelmed"

Anonymous said...

Ma'am! You are going to be an amazing mom! Jacob is going to be an amazing dad! I understand that Jake wants to go back to school. I was thinking....what about trying to see if you could get a job at the daycare at the school for the next school year? That way Lexi could go there since Jake would be a teacher if he got hired there and you could be with her the whole time. I think one of the requirements is that you are going to school to get a degree in some kind of childhood education. What about doing that so when me and Lisa open our daycare you will be there with us and it could be called Three Sisters!?!?! Lol! Just an idea! You know I love you and I'd do anything to help yall!!!

 

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